SHOCK AND AWE! BATMAN DISCOVERD TO BE REAL- - AND A REAL BAT!
The people of Northenfolk, West Virginia had no idea that a superhero lived in their midst. Everyone was surprised when a masked vigilante began roaming the streets at night, seeking to root out injustice and help the common man. Northenfolkians were even more surprised to discover that it was none other than Batman running around their humble town, smacking down evil.
"I couldn't believe that Batman was real, let alone protecting us," said local handyman Jon Farthington.
In fact, no one could believe that Batman was real. So we did a little digging to see if the caped crusader was actually in the town, or if it was just another hillbilly wearing tights, which we covered last year in our piece, “Superman of Southshore: The Dangers of Tequila.”
Our search led us from one corner of town to another, collecting scraps of information about the sightings of "Batman", until finally we came upon one old woman, who wished to remain nameless, named Mary-Joan Wellington.
"Oh I've seen him alright, and it would do you well to stay away from that thing! It's not natural! I'll tell you that! And another thing, he’s far too well spoken to be one of God’s children! He must be purged! PURGED!"
Ignoring the sudden religious zealotry, we pressed on with our investigation, following some leads we had about the old abandoned mine on the outskirts of town. Upon entering the mine, we discovered odd remains littered about. Old candy wrappers, shredded clothing, dead animals. But most shocking of all, we found Batman! When we asked if we could interview him, we had another shock: he took off his mask to reveal that he was in fact a real bat!
"I know, most find my appearance to be quite shocking, but I assure you and your crew, I mean you no harm."
Batman was very cordial and allowed us to ask him some questions about why he decided to protect this small town.
"Well, I've always believed in helping the people. You see my father was a doctor, and I suppose some of his unwavering kindness rubbed off on me in some way. When I came to this town less than a fortnight ago, I saw the state it was in. People living in fear of robbers, thugs roaming the streets, I knew at once that something must be done about the situation. So from then on it was my goal to set up shop here and rid the town of the ne'er-do-wells living in it. It was the least I could do, these people make such great cabbage."
A person who means well doesn’t sell as many papers as the drug crazed hillfolk we expected, so with that, we parted ways, wishing the half animal, half well spoken humanoid farewell. Who knows if he will actually be able to clean up the small town, but we did learn one thing from our trip to Northenfolk; they do in face, have great cabbage.